New Skin



I'm done thinking about it.  I've sat and stared long enough at these walls of mine, trying to figure out what to do next, how to change things up.  Taking a deep breath, I slowly tear down my "wall of achievement".  I'm very proud of this wall-it's taken a while to build.  Tons of "student of the month" 8x11 certificates get crammed into a yellow filing folder.  Next to them, the "star reader" awards are tucked away.  Finally, my "letter" (the ones that are supposed to go on Letterman's jackets) and National Honor Society papers are stowed.  Looking at the barren wall, I can't help but feeling like I have just put a piece of myself in storage.  It's funny how quickly twelve years of academic labor can be so easily erased. After labeling the folder I organize it in my mini filing cabinet and move on to the next wall. 

A simple ninety degree turn brings me from academic achievement to artistic creativity.  Over the years I've collected bunches of calendar pictures, mostly of fairies and cats.  There're two collages: one of fairies and one of cats.  At the time, it seemed like a good idea to make the collages.  I love the whole Renaissance/magic theme and my favorite animals are felines.  Looking at it now, all I can see is a cheap, tawdry attempt at expressing myself.  But that's the whole point of having your own room, right?  To have a place of your own, where you can wholly be and express yourself.  This is who I am, or at least, who I was.  Chuckling inwardly, I snatch the papers from the wall and quickly wad them up in the trash bag.  If I think about it too long, I might be tempted to save them.

The next wall is painful for me.  Looking up, all I can see are pictures of me and my best friend.  Well, technically, ex-best friend.  Part of me is still holding out hope that we'll reconcile, but the other half knows the reality of the situation.  People change, especially young ones like myself.  Did I honestly think that we'd be friends forever?  Yes, comes the painful response.  We'd both been through tough times together, being each other's rock and consoling shoulder.  I just didn't see this particular storm brewing, and surely wasn't ready for when it came.  I start taking down the prom pictures, gently putting them in large shoe box on the bed.  Next go the little knick knacks we had traded back and forth.  A necklace, a pen, a little piggy bank.  Lastly, I gently put the hundreds of little notes on top of the pile.  The notes that had been written during study hall or during work.  Notes that reflected the funny moments of our friendship.  Notes that held the sorrows of our hearts.  Notes that kept safe our secret crushes.  I shut the lid of the shoe box and walk over to my drawers.  I open the bottom drawer and softly put down the box.  I can't bring myself to throw everything away.  It doesn't seem right, and I'm not ready to let it go.  I'm not sure if I ever want to let it go.

My walls are now completely blank, except for some important things that will never change.  I'll slowly start to fill them back up again, expressing myself in different ways.  I'm like a bug who's shed its old skin, so the new one can start growing.  The inside of the bug doesn't change-it's still the same bug, but it's growing and changing, like me.  Another few years and it'll be time to shed the skin again.

What to Write About

Okay, so I've been thinking very hard for the past two days about an original topic that I could blog about.  I wanted to give my readers something really good to digest, something a bit tasty for their minds, but..alas, I have nothing!  Those nice little surprises that are good for inspiring stories have been in short supply lately, and my creative juices have dried up a bit.

I thought about doing a nice bit about key life lessons and how we should all "strive to be better human beings...blah blah blah", then I realized that at twenty-one years old, what the heck do I know about life lessons?  I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is and all that hunky dory stuff.  I'm hardly the person to be preaching about good morals and breaking bad habits.

What about politics?  Exactly....what about them?  I don't know anything about politics and current events, and everytime I try to understand them, I get very confused and a little depressed.  Who wouldn't.

I also tried the thing where I randomly pick a word from the dictionary and then expand that into a post.  I even used my Spanish dictionary to give it a bit of a twist.  The two words I came up with were "economical" and "name".  "Flush"....do you hear that?  It's my idea flusing down the drain.

And so my dear readers, I am reaching out to you for some help.  Any ideas or comments as to what should blog about would be greatly appreciated.  Maybe it's cheating if I ask for help, but let's face it: do you really want to read another post like this?

Wind Bathing

I take a step forward, holding my breath and slightly bracing against the hurricane force.  It's best when your arms are out, away from your body.  It whips my loose hair all around my head, pulling it away one moment and plastering it down the next.  I close my eyes; I can feel it better that way.  The cool sensation begins against the bare skin of my throat, traveling across the back of the shoulders and through my shirt.  It feels like cool silk sliding along my arms and on the back of my neck.  As I continue walking, the wind changes directions and begins its skin dance all over again.  There's no other way of describing what it feels like, except to say it's like trying to stand still in an under-water current, with invisible waves cascading against your skin.  It's beautiful chaos. 

And just like that, it ends.

A Trip Down Memory Lane



It was a bit dreary when I went for my walk this evening.  The grey clouds were churning and it was gently misting, but I didn't mind.  I live for weather like this.  If the sun never showed it's face again, I would be perfectly happy!  Down the front steps, across the mushy lawn, I padded onto the pavement with my thirteen dollar shoes from Walmart.  True, they weren't the best for walking, but as long as I had something protecting my feet from rocks, I was happy. 

As Bridget Jones would say, "I have a few wobbly bits".  I'm not claiming to be a fitness guru or anything like that, but I really enjoy it when I actually take the time and energy to walk outside.  It was absolutely beautiful out tonight.  I could hear birds calling from trees that were beginning to bud and saw rabbits hopping around in bright, green grass.  There was a rich, earthy smell lingering in the air from the recent rain, and it was just cool enough to whisk away any perspiration.

A couple of years ago, I was a faithful runner/walker on the same path that I had traveled on this evening, and it felt weird to be "starting all over" with my exercise regime knowing that I had once conquered it.  I felt both ashamed that I had once been that good and am now not, and motivated because I already knew I could accomplish this goal. 

There's a section of pavement that has consistent tar marks crossing it.  As I walked over them, I remembered how I use to count them off as I ran, focusing on no more than the one just ahead of me...that way it didn't seem so far to go.  The course got easier after passing the halfway mark.  The first part sloped uphill, and obviously the second part downhill.  I always urged myself to go faster on the downhill part, thinking that I was somehow cheating or slacking if I kept my pace the same.

I'd like to think that the hard part is over now, but I know better.  The real challenge is going out there and doing it every day.  The real challenge is perseverance.  The real challenge is self discipline.

A Little Rain

The thunder cascades across the rolling, green hills.  Raindrops gently soak into the rich soil, turning it almost black.  Lush, green grass covers the hills, with the occasional tree scattered here or there.  Roiling, grey clouds threaten to unleash a hell-like fury from above.  The rain is surprisingly cold, but feels refreshing and crisp.  Lightening crackles as it releases its pent up energy.  The earth is surrendering to Mother Nature's violent mood.

Back From A Hiatus

Hello everyone!  I know that it's been super long since I've blogged anything, and equally as long since I've read any of your posts.  I decided to take a little break from blogging and writing in general, but now I can't stay away any longer.  The season is changing to spring and I'm constantly being struck with new ideas and topics for different posts and pieces of writing.  Right now it's thunderstorming and I'm just itching all over to pop out some kind of poem!  I hope that the new year is going well for all of you and I want to thank those of you who still follow me.  I hope that this will be a great year of blogging!

Night Time

The silvery, crescent moon hangs in the sky, perfectly perched among the sea of sparkling stars.  The trees are whispering their song, swaying to Mother Nature's rhythm.  An owl hoots, calling to her loved ones.  There will be rain; I can smell it on the breeze as it gently ruffles my hair.  Crickets Chirp.  The wind picks up, stilling the creatures of the night.  Clouds suddenly appear with thunder rumbling in the distance.  Lightning crackles, its veins piercing the black sky.  Drops of cold rain fall, making me shiver.  I close my eyes and let the energy course through me.